I'm not going to lie. I have some pretty bad days. Yesterday was one of them.
I don't know why Mondays haunt me so, but they do. Especially after a weekend of late nights for the kids (and by late I mean 9:30 and 10:30!).
I thought I had figured out how to have bad moments and not let them turn into bad days. I thought that if I simply acknowledge my current mood and allowed myself my feelings that I'd be able to move on. Well, I was wrong. I don't know how many times I told myself "Man, I'm in a pissy mood" and "I can't handle these kids!"
My revelations did nothing to improve my day, in fact it simply got worse.
I thought I had figured out how to love my job as a mother, no matter the day. I thought that if I reminded myself over and over that "this is really what I want to do and that I want to raise my kids, not leave the job to someone else", then I'd enjoy it regardless of what life throws at me.
And actually, I still love my job. But had you asked me yesterday if I loved my job, I might have hollered at you that "I sure as heck don't love this moment. And don't even try to remind me that this is what I chose, this is what I want, because right now, I want to be anywhere but here".
And I honestly did. I thought about taking off once Dean got home and checking into a hotel.
Instead I checked into my room and locked the door.
I can't really explain my bad day. Hormones, crabby kids, being sleep deprived and therefore impatient all had something to do with it.
Sleep does me wonders sometimes. So does some peace and quiet.
After being replenished with both, today was a much better day.
I'm able to find joy in the little things.
Like my five year old's face lighting up when he realizes that what I call "minus" is the same as what he calls "take away".
It is seriously a delight to work with this boy; he is so bright!
And my three year old really isn't deliberately naughty. After I colored with him for a while, he decided he was going to help me do the dishes (aha! that's the key to cooperation!). And today I had no problem waiting for him to put the silverware and tupperware away. Or letting him wash my last bread pan.
Gosh, but he's a sweet boy.
So I guess the moral of my story is that life really is a bed of roses. Yeah it's beautiful and smells sweet, but there are thorns too. We all have bad days. We all have moments in which we perform less than our best.
And you know what? That's okay! Go get some sleep, recharge, relax, and do better tomorrow.
If you take care of yourself today, there's always tomorrow to take care of everything and everyone else.