Making perfect sense

The thing to do when you are overwhelmed with the amount of pictures waiting to be edited on your computer and the amount of paperwork you must find to finish your taxes on the computer is to blog. On the computer.  Makes perfect sense, right?

It's kind of like when I don't know whether to tackle the laundry pile or the dirty dishes so I find a muffin and go read in the sunniest chair in the house.  Makes perfect sense.
Especially when you get dizzy when you stand up, and bending over is uncomfortable (I have to justify my actions here!)  So naturally you take work everything in small doses, and add more to your already muddled plate.

Anyhow, where was I? Trying to make sense with my foggy brain?  I shouldn't even try.

Life is a whirlwind in our corner.  Don't head this way; you might get caught up in it.  And don't drink the water I've been drinking. My friends won't for fear of catching this affliction called twin pregnancy.

If only that's all I needed!

Actually, I won't call it an affliction.  I will call it a challenge.  Because I'm not used to feeling so tired, so devoid of energy, and so foggy every couple days.
I consider it a good week if everyone has had clean clothes to wear every day.  Do not come over and look too closely at my floor or our sheets.  At least not until after our new laundry room is complete.  I'm thinking a brand new washing machine will be all the motivation I need to tackle the job of washing 7 sets of bedding. I think.

Speaking of new laundry rooms...I'm super excited for mine to get finished. Errr...started. I have the washer and dryer scheduled to be installed in three weeks (on second thought, I better start washing sheets today), the boxes of ikea cabinets, sink, and light fixture sitting in the garage, and no ability to make the process move any faster.  I'd light a fire under the plumber and electrician if I thought it'd help. I guess I could go look at paint colors.  I'm thinking a deep teal blue to contrast with all the white.

That's about all I'm good at these days.  Planning. Thinking. Especially in the middle of the night.
I have a theory about insomnia.  The reason mom's get insomnia is because 3AM is the only time they have to think without noise and distraction.  It's so incredibly quiet and peaceful that your mind balks when you tell it to go back to sleep.  It enjoys the silence too much, the ability to think clearly.  Now if I could just learn to reign in all my 3AM thoughts, I might get more than the laundry done.

I did order our family photo year book!  All 100 pages of it, though I had to call and get an extension on their free extra pages deal. It came yesterday and the kids have looked at it no less than 4 times already.

It was while I was going through pictures and making our book that I realized my camera was getting dusty. I vowed to pick it up again, and had no excuse not to now that I'm not hugging the toilet bowl daily.  So I brought it along on our next library trip, and packed a picnic lunch to take advantage of the spring like weather.

I will always have lots and lots of pictures of the preschoolers. That's life I guess.
Until summer.
And this summer I will have lots and lots of newborn pictures.  I can't wait!

In the meantime, I guess it's back to taxes for me.  And 1500 wedding photos.  And bedding.
See you next month.  I hope I'll have at least remembered to brush my hair.  Makes perfect sense when we meet over the internet and nobody even sees my hair. Right?

And so the adventure begins!

I remember the day I found out.
It was December 15th.
I walked into my doctor's office, and waited to be called back for my ultrasound.
I didn't know why my doctor wanted to do an ultrasound on my first visit, but I was excited at the prospect of seeing the tiny baby growing inside me, the tiny baby that I felt a fierce protectiveness over already, at however many weeks I was (I was guessing between 8 and 10, turns out it was almost 11).

Perhaps my fierce desire to carry this baby to term came from the fact that I had miscarried a baby (a very physically trying experience for sure!) about six months prior.  Perhaps it came from the fact that my youngest was already 2 years and 3 months old and my arms were aching to hold a newborn again.  Either way, I wanted that baby, and the thought that I could lose it was always at the back of my mind (a mom's thoughts after a mis, I guess).

So I shrugged when the ultrasound tech asked why I was having an ultrasound, but hopped eagerly onto her table to 'see' and 'hear' my baby's heartbeat.

What absolutely shocked me, was the image on the screen.
It showed two dark ovals, with one white embryo in each!
Twins!

I fought tears as the technician pointed out the miracle I never expected and printed images off for me to bring home.

It was a loooong hour that I waited to see my Doctor.  As I waited, and as she asked me what I thought about it all, I tried to process my feelings.  Excited? Yes! Nervous? Yes!!

I held it together as I left the office and drove to the restaurant where Dean was waiting.
I couldn't say a word.  I simply handed him the ultrasound pictures, then burst into tears when his jaw dropped.

I laugh at myself now for crying, and at Dean's befuddled expression to my tears.  But it was just so much to take in, so much anxiety and so much joy to hold in any longer, that I stopped trying, despite the fact that people milled about us, and despite the fact that I'm not usually a crier.
Dean said a tentative "well, it's kind of exciting, isn't it?" (and later "it's going to be a great adventure!")
To which I laughed through my tears and said "yes, yes, of course.  It's just very overwhelming".

I don't know what his thought process has been, but mine has been realistic.  While twins is quite exciting, I am not looking at it with rose colored glasses.  From the first minutes I knew, I was full of doubts about my ability to do this.  I know how demanding one baby can be, I'm trying to imagine doubling that workload. I wondered how this house will keep running, how the kids will get fed and bathed, and how I myself will eat or sleep while caring for twins. I wondered if I can stay sane through their first year of life.

Oh, I know it will happen.  I know we will get through it.
But I know that it will definitely be a bed of roses - beautiful yet thorny.

So, the clock keeps ticking...very slowly...as I take this twin pregnancy day by day.  It feels like July is eons away (funny how it almost feels like my first pregnancy again).  I don't know if I want July to be here tomorrow, or not until next year.  I do know that I still feel that same fierce protectiveness for these babies, that same determination that I will have both these babies, as scary as it sometimes sounds.

I suppose I should enjoy this pre-twin period of my life, and do as many projects, work as much as I want, while I can.  That is actually quite hard to do, as I feel more pregnant than I ever have at this point (17 weeks as of posting). I can't go about my normal busy life; these twins are a constant in my thoughts as I experience the exhaustion, the hunger, the nausea, the stretching and tightening, the insomnia (much of it caused by worry), and did I mention the exhaustion?

But I have decided that it doesn't pay to worry about things I have no control over.  I can't worry about bed rest in the coming months, preterm labor, breech babies, C-sections, breastfeeding multiples, or finding time to shower.

I will instead take it day by day.

And every day is a beautiful day when you have two healthy babies growing inside you.

at 13 weeks

I am looking forward to what kind of beauty amidst the chaos this adventure will bring!
And I am most definitely looking forward to the day I can hold both my babies in my arms.

a spoonful of memories

I recently had the privilege of borrowing my grandmother's scrapbook so I could make copies of some of the photos for a family tree project I am hoping to create for my kids.

What fun it is to go through that book!  I get to 'see' so much: my dad as a one year old, chubby cheeked baby, relatives of mine that I've never met, my grandmother in her wedding gown, my grandparents smiling and looking in-love on their first anniversary, my dad as a cheeky teenager, my grandmother holding her infant children.
A wealth of memories must be contained in that book, and I am sure she is eager for me to return it to her.

I was quite surprised to come across a photo of myself, as most of the book is comprised of photos taken before I was even born.

I wasn't quite three when this photo was taken.  September must have been a beautiful time of year back east, kind of like here, because we were wearing short sleeves.  And it brings back a few flitting memories I have of the time Grandma used to watch Kelton and I during my mother's work day.

Grandma had a low stone wall that ran across her yard, perhaps on the edge of it and the great big woods (I have no idea how big, because I've never been back).  Kelton and I used to love to play on that wall.

The memory of that wall triggers another memory.
Grandma (or was it her sister?) had these wooden bowls, that looked like they were made of wooden squares all patched together, overlapping each other.  We were eating cereal and Grandma (or perhaps it was her sister, I'm not sure now) had just told us not to add any more sugar to our cereal. We, of course, did not listen and helped ourselves to a large amount of sugar from the sugar bowl on the middle of the table.  When Grandma came in later, she scolded us for not listening and taking more sugar anyway. "But how did you know!?" we asked her.
"Because the sugar is scraping on the bottom of your bowls each time you spoon a bite!" she said between laughs.

And the more I think about it, the more I'm beginning to think it was Grandma's sister who owned those wood bowls and scolded us.  I'm doubtful I could remember something so vividly from the time I was 4 years old.  And it sounds exactly like something my two living brothers would do and say.

I am going to have to pay my great-aunt a visit, and ask her if she has or had those wooden bowls and see if she remembers that particular incident.  I think I best bring my brothers along as well, and we can reminisce the summer weeks we spent in their home and relish in their company while we still have the opportunity to do so.

And you know something? Every now and then, I have a hankering for a bowl of cheerios or rice krispies with (just one) spoonful of sugar sprinkled on top.

My DIY Stockings

Once upon a year I wanted to sew my family's Christmas stockings.
So I bought four matching green ones from the dollar spot in Target.
Because temporary stockings didn't need to be fancy.
Temporary ended up being three Christmases.
My five children had mismatched stockings last year.

Sometime in the beginning of this December I was browsing Joann's Christmas aisle and saw the cutest stockings!  I loved both the sweater stockings and the burlap ones.  But at $30 a piece...yeah, I decided it was high time I finally sew my family's stockings.

Burlap seemed too messy and too rough...linen seemed to be the best route.  And because I'm thrifty and savvy and resourceful and all that, I dug in my fabric stash and found a pair of cream curtains I was saving for just because.  While they're not exactly linen, they're close enough for me.

And while I'm not crafty and creative when left to my own resources, I am very good at copying other people's ideas...or in this case, using their patterns.

I used an old sheet for the linings (told you!) and needed only to buy 1/4 yard of fabric for each stocking cuff and whatever buttons and lace I wanted.  I paid a total of $15 for six stockings (oops, I only photographed five)!
I will claim full creativity credits for the cuffs!  I guess I can come up with something on my own!

While Aubrey's stocking, the cream floral one, is still awaiting a fabric flower for decoration (per her request), the rest are complete.  And I do love them!

The only thing I don't like about them is how limp they are.  I fully intended to add batting when I was making them, but completely forgot it on the first stocking in my excitement to see the completed product.  I wanted them all to be the same, so left it out of the rest.  But I do believe that would have helped.

Ideally, they'd hang on my deep blue wall, but that didn't work out, so they line the portrait hallway.
And ideally, I'd have added the wood name tags before I photographed and shared them with you, but that didn't work out either.

Hey, if Santa knows their face and can see their photo in the dim light, he'll get it figured out!
The stockings are made with care and hung.  We're doing good!

51:52 Cold

I had an idea...it was to try take an interesting picture of a glass of ice cold water.
Sadly, I forgot about it amidst all this Christmas bustle and my good light was gone before I could attempt it.  So, I am posting a picture of the obvious.  Obvious for late December in Northern Arizona.

51:52 Cold

It's been cold.  One morning the other week, I woke up to a temperature of 7 below zero.  Thankfully, it doesn't stay that cold and our glorious sun usually always makes an appearance.

Now talking about cold...our sauna "dressing room".  It's not heated.  So it has been anywhere from 20 to 40 degrees when we head out there to take a sauna.  That is when you master the art of undressing in split seconds so you can hop into the deliciously warm sauna.

And even colder...the snow piles outside the sauna...that my boys ROLL IN several times throughout the course of their sauna!  Brrrrrrrr!

Linking up to Leann.  See what's chilly in her corner.

50:52 Tradition

One of the funnest things about being a parent is the opportunity to continue your childhood traditions with your own family.

Growing up, one of my favorite holiday activities was decorating sugar cookies.  And we actually decorated them every Easter.  They were egg shaped cookies, and the decorating possibilities seemed endless to me...stripes, polka dots, zigzags, initials.  It was a great way to foster our artistic creativity.

While I whip up a batch of these cookies only occasionally for Easter, I always do them at Christmas.

 50:52 Tradition

It's one of the kids' favorite activities and it keeps them entertained for a whole hour or more.  Some of these cookies get wrapped up and make their way to the kids' school and music teachers.  The rest we share with family at our Christmas gatherings.

Elaina (2 years old) took her job very seriously.  Every now and then she would holler out "I need red!" or "here mom, you need green!" (she has no idea what her colors are yet).  She was especially serious when it came to sprinkles.  She went to town.  I wish I would have gotten a picture of her six cookies.  They each had a small mound of frosting in the middle, then a mountain of green sprinkles. :)

I've been thinking about traditions a lot lately.  I think they are important.  They foster a closeness among family members and create a sense of belonging.  I've thought about what traditions we have as a family, and most of them are carried over from either mine or Dean's childhood.  While that is good, I want to start creating some that are our very own.

One tradition that I'm excited to continue this year and every Christmas from here on out, is caroling.  Our little family bundles up and makes the round of our culdesac and other neighbors we know, singing our favorite carols.  I love that my kids are old enough for this!  Everyone sings!  Afterward, we come home and drink hot chocolate and decorate gingerbread houses.

And yes, while these traditions are supposed to be fun, I sometimes get lazy as a mom and am tempted to skip the things my kids anticipate.  Excuses of we're too busy, it's a hassle, and there's just no time shouldn't get in the way of my family's traditions. These are the things I know they'll remember of their childhood, just as I have such fond memories of my own childhood cookie decorating days, biscuit bunny making, and waking up to a valentine's day surprise.

What traditions do you and your family keep?