Letting my kids know they matter

I now consider my family large.  Somehow, going from four to five children has qualified us as an officially "large family". At least in my mind.  Because this is the point where I shake my head and wonder how other moms make it look so easy.  How other moms don't lose their sanity managing such a large brood.

To the strangers I meet at the grocery store, I have my hands full, lots of helpers, the patience of a saint, and my own basketball team. And about a dozen other sayings that I'm sure many of you have heard.
None of them are true! Except maybe the basketball team one... in five years when they can all get the ball into the hoop.

No really, none of them are true.
I do not have it all figured out.  I do not have all the answers. And no, you should most definitely not bow down to me.
I'm just a mother trying to do her job, and trying my hardest to keep my head above water and stay half a step ahead of the pack.  I make mistakes all the time. I say and do things I regret. I want to crawl into a quiet hole to recoup and actually think clear thoughts on a monthly basis. Okay, make that a weekly basis. Daily?

My recent ponderings have me mulling over my children and how being a part of a large family affects them.
You see, I want each of my children to feel valued and loved.  I want them to know that they are special and unique. I want them to know that I believe in them, and I want them to believe in themselves.

But I have five children.  It's not that I can't love each of them, for I certainly do.  They each are so different, they each bring different joys and gifts to our family.  Its that I hardly have time to think clear thoughts, let alone remember to act on them.  When the school children come home, the amount of noise and activity in this house increases ten-fold.  When its time for dinner, it increases twenty-fold.  Bedtime, 50-fold.  I have all I can handle just trying to keep some peace as I feed the brood, get homework and chores done, ready them for bed, and finally, quietly slip out of their dark bedrooms.

And it is the school children I worry about most.  I demand a lot from them, as they are the most helpful and responsible. The youngest ones demand so much of my time and energy that I worry that the oldest ones feel lost in the shuffle of daily life that equates to busyness and sometimes chaos in a large family.

How do you show your children, especially the oldest ones, that they matter?

This question keeps swirling around my mind as I try to praise them and thank them for their help.  I try to schedule Mom and Child dates.  I occasionally slip notes in their lunches. I try to really listen when they are telling me about their school day.  I try to give lots of hugs.

Some nights I lie awake and wonder, is it enough?  Do they feel as important and cherished as the babies?

Do they feel confident?  Do they feel worthy?

I am not naturally a physical or demonstrative person.  I am working hard to change that with my children.
It is slowly becoming easier, slowly becoming second nature.

Last night, as I was in the kitchen, Aubrey and I were talking about a song she liked called "If I were a mother, for just a little while".  After we sang a few fun made-up versions of our own, I surprised myself by thinking clearly for a change and making up a song, special for her.  I sang that if I were Aubrey, for just a little while, I'd hug my mommy daily because I know she loves that, and I'd keep on being so beautiful and so cute just as I was.  Basically, if I were Aubrey, I wouldn't change a thing - I'd just be me.

And my heart still clenches at her reaction.  Her smile, her beautiful smile, turned kind of shy and kind of pleased all at once.  My heart sang and my inner self jumped and cheered, chalking up one point for this busy mom. Ideally, I'd get five points in a day, but I'll take this victory.  I'm getting there.

My prideful self is gloating at my humbled self;  I'm making up for a past grievance.
Last week, with a few crabby toddlers at my feet and supper sizzling on the stove, I lost my temper and snapped at my oldest.  I caused tears to pool in his eyes.  I made my little boy (because at 8 he really is still so little) feel bad.  My humble self frowned at me (heavens how I try to avoid giving my kids that look, though the disapproving look slips out so easily!), shook her finger in my face, and crossed her arms.  She made her point, quite clearly.
I sometimes move forward one step, then fall back two more.  Am I ever going to come out ahead?!

But you know, perhaps I worry too much.
The other week Aubrey said to me "Do you know where my favorite place is to be? Home!"

My prideful self is fist pumping again and chalking up yet another point!
My humble side is thanking God for these precious children I get to call my own.

Mother's Day 2010.  I need a new picture of me and my kids!

Instead of laying on the beach

Once upon a year, Dean and I were able to run off to the beach on a whim.  I remember one Thursday I came home from work (as a Nurse's Assistant at the hospital) and told Dean that I wanted to go to the beach.  The next afternoon we were on our way to San Diego.

Last week, I wanted to go to the beach, and on Friday night, we started looking for hotels.  It actually was a perfect time to go.  I was all caught up on laundry, I had cleaned the van inside and out, and the forecast for Monday in San Diego was sunny and 90 degrees! But my hubby talked me out of it. Gosh darn his practicality and his full plate at work! We were so close to throwing swimsuits and clothes into our suitcase! Oh how I wish I was posting beach pictures...

Instead, we spent our weekend exploring around home.  Saturday we went for a family hike to Red Mountain - one of the coolest places we've been to.

Sunday we drove out to Wupatki Ruins (I forgot my camera).  On our way home, and after spending two hours in the van, Dean asked me if I got road tripping out of my system. :)  

Yes, by the way, I did. But I did not get the beach out of my system.
I'll be checking the forecast in San Diego again in another week.

From our Red Mountain hike:

The trail is actually a dried out wash leading up to the Red mountain, a cinder cone that is shaped like a U, exposing the inside of the volcano.

My little hiking buddy trekked the first mile and a half on foot.  He cracks me up with his backwards binoculars!

This trail is perfect for kids - it's 3 miles round trip and the destination is well worth the hike.

The place is like a mini Bryce Canyon.

Our kids climbed and explored until their hands were chafing from the rough rock.
The motley crew:

Well, some of them anyway.

On the trail back, we had a view of the distant San Francisco Peaks.
I love that I can associate them with home.  Is this view not gorgeous?!

Hike it sometime!

The one year old boss

You'd think I'd have this whole parenting gig all figured out by now, but no, this little girl continues to make me doubt myself.

I think you could safely say she has me wrapped around her little finger.  And as it's a very tiny finger, I wonder how she managed that?! Maybe that says more about me than her, so maybe we won't go there!

She's one year old (Oh, where did the time go?)!  

She's an early riser.  She started walking a week before she turned one.  She loves to look at pictures of faces. She knows how to sign 6 words.  She leans in for a kiss when Dean leaves for work. She waves goodbye to any bus or garbage truck she hears. She melts my heart on a daily basis with her smile.

She's still nursing, and I love our bonding time. 

I only wish she didn't love it so much and that she would eat more real food.  My problem is that I'm thoroughly wrapped around that little finger of hers, and when she signs that she'd like to nurse, well what's there to do but take her out of her high chair and settle down and nurse her?  Never mind that we're trying to cut back on the nursing and never mind that there is food for her on her tray. And never mind that some day we are actually going to have quit. 

It's not that bad, really. I think she signs 'eat' and 'more' just as often, if not more often, than she signs 'nurse'.  So she does eat, but she's just so picky.  She wrinkles up her nose at just about everything I put in front of her.  This girl won't even drink apple juice! I've found that I just have to wait her out, and she'll eventually eat.

She reminds me of another girl I know that asks for a peanut butter and honey sandwich for her lunch every single day.

This girl loves her baby doll.  She signs baby by clasping her hands together in front of her then moving her clasped hands back and forth.  Cutest. thing. I've. ever. seen!

Perhaps I should teach her to sign 'sleep'.

Nursing sometimes feels like such a conundrum.  I love the quiet moments we have while I'm nursing her. But part of the problem is that I nurse this girl to sleep. At 7 pm, the last thing this household needs is mama hiding out in the bedroom for 25 minutes to nurse the baby to sleep.

Sleep.  You'd think I'd have it figured out by now, but no, baby number 5 is still the boss, just like all my other babies have been, even at one year's old.

She's a pretty darn adorable and precious boss, though.  I'll keep her.

When Goodwill's ugliest chairs take up temporary residence in my home

One evening a month or so ago, as I was out and about by myself (rare!), I swung into Goodwill.  It was a spontaneous stop (I had just read about and seen pictures of some crazy amazing junk transformations) and my purchase was even more spontaneous.  Because I really wonder if I would have bought these beaut's if it had been a normal day of the week.
But no, it was a day I was feeling antsy to get my hands dirty and make something beautiful.  A day I craved a creative challenge.  So...
I came home with Goodwill's ugliest chairs.

No seriously, they were ugly!
I got into my van and actually laughed at myself.  I couldn't believe I was bringing Goodwill's ugliest chairs home.

Behold the peeling, faded, 80's-upholstered ugliness.

Really, the pictures do not do them justice.  They looked like they had been on your Grandma's neighbor's back patio, covered in cobwebs, beaten by the sun, and washed in the rain for the last 30 years.

But I thought I saw their potential.  Aren't those curvy lines the coolest?  And get this - they swivel!  And they're actually pretty comfortable. At $5 each, I just couldn't pass them up. I had an itch, remember?  I couldn't wait to transform them!

The first thing I did was wash, then lightly sand the frames.  They each got primer and a few coats of white lacquer spray paint. In all honesty, they probably could have used another can each, but I'd already emptied three cans onto each chair!  My fingers were sore, and I was trying to be cheap!

The next step was fabric. I was picturing a modern fabric in blue or green with white lines, perhaps mimicking the lines of the chairs. Something like this Waverly fabric:

But alas, I live in Flagstaff and our fabric pickings are slim. Plus, I was trying to find something on sale.  I came home with something I liked well enough, but wasn't in love with.

When it was time to reupholster the cushions (btw, I have never done anything like this before), I thought I was being so clever and so meticulous to take apart the cushions, trace them onto newspaper, and carefully plan out the placement for each "pattern" onto my fabric.

I thought that was the hard part, since I had opted to do without piping or zippers.

I thought that was, until I started sewing.

Once again, the curves had me muttering under my breath something about putting square objects into round holes.  I do not have any idea how the original cushions edges looked so smooth because mine were filled with ripples and puckers.

Anyhow, behold Goodwill's ugliest chairs now:

I'd say they are a lot less ugly.  Kind of pretty, actually.  

If I could do it again though, I'd go with an off-white paint, or a fabric with crisp white in it.

I was initially less than pleased with my upholstery work, but once I quit staring at them so closely, like I was when sewing them, I got over it.

So, not too shabby.  

But then I realized they wouldn't work in the space I had imagined them in.  I just don't have the room in my sitting area, or out on the patio, for two chairs.  Darn!

I moved them outside for a while, but got tired of the cluttered patio.  

I put them up for sale on Craigslist.

It is with slight reluctance that I will watch them go.  

I put a lot of hours into those chairs. And I do like them. 

But not enough.

Next time, I will buy the fabric I love.  

Actually, next time, I will probably leave the upholstery work to the professionals.

Nothing of Interest

If this were Facebook, and not my blog, I could post often.
On a weekend evening, you might gain a bit of unimportant information about us, like what we are having for bedtime snack... "mmmm, banana splits!"

Or perhaps you'd get a laugh reading the little tidbits of life in this household...
When "Oh crap!" takes on a very literal meaning:
I am nursing my 3 month old to sleep. From the bathroom I hear the 2 yr old say "I peed and pooped!" Then the four year old says "bend over, let me wipe you."
yeah...oh crap!

Or...
Brant just bought a bent slinky from Aubrey for $20.
New rule in this house: all transactions involving dollar bills requires an okay from mom first!

Or...
Dean just informed me that the three naked kids in the pool that is on the tramp "are not his children".
Hmmmm, I wonder where they came from?!

But blogs aren't status updates and typically consist of more than a few sentences and minutes of my time. And finding the time to write more than a few sentences is becoming harder and harder.  Actually, I am writing. In my spiral notebook/journal.  But I don't think anyone would care to read those writings, as it's usually a pretty desperate need that makes me pick up my  pen.

So...as I have very little to say at this time about my daily life of laundry, housework, meal planning, grocery shopping, bill paying, owie kissing, homework enforcing, toddler hugging, baby snuggling, child bathing, and bedtime readings, I will probably be kind of quiet on here.

Until, that is, I find some motivation to make time to finish up my chair project.  I'll share the results.
And if I ever finish Aubrey's quilt some time in this next decade, I'll probably share that too.

And most likely I'll once again start going crazy wrapped in the doldrums of mommy talk and chores that I'll log on and post something uninteresting or unimportant.

Basically, my point is, I have nothing that I think is of interest to share.  But I'll most likely be sharing it anyway.  At some point.  Because sharing kind of makes me feel like an adult and it somehow keeps me sane. But it'll be sporadic because I've always got some laundry to go fold.

Thanks for letting me share.  Thanks for helping me feel like an intellectual, while in reality I am surrounded by preschoolers and play a lot of candy land. Thanks for helping me stay out of the loony bin.

I am forever in your debt.  And I bet my husband thanks you.

Okay, I'll shut up now.
And go fold my laundry.
And go find out what Elaina is getting into this time.

Ahhh, September

September just might be my favorite month.

The excitement and promise of a new school year, the settling down and establishment of routine, the cool mornings and evenings, and the still-gloriously-warm sunshine are a few of the reasons I'm loving this time of year.

Yes, summer was and always is wonderful..

I almost have to look through my pictures though, to remember that we did in fact have some relaxation in this form...

Did we really go camping only once this summer?!?  And did I really not get any pictures of the funnest part - swimming and kayaking in the reservoir?!?

And did I really never share other summer pictures from our fun road trip to California?!?

What is summer without at least one trip to the beach?
What is fun without some cousins to share it with?

It felt like we were really busy this summer.

But I must have been spinning circles alone, because I found these pictures...

It looks like the kids got the fun, relaxing summer that I wished for.

I wonder if they wished for an activity-packed and busy summer that I did not wish for, but certainly felt!

Either way, I am breathing in and relishing the September air, much like the way Brant and I buried our faces in the warm, crisp sheets on the clothesline this morning.

Sure, my calendar might look just as full this month as it did last, but my doors are wide open and the breeze is carrying in the sounds of the boys playing in the sunny back yard.  

And soon I know, will come the sound of the school bus dropping the kids off at the corner, followed by their feet and voices as they hurry through the front door.  

Ahhh, September.

What are you loving about this month, or about today?